I feel so unspiritual at the moment. As if I am purely going through the motions as far as my faith goes.

My quiet times with the Lord are dry and I am finding myself being tossed and turned by every challenge that comes my way and every lie the devil whispers in my ear. In my mind I feel as if I am letting God down and that I am  a disappointment to Him. Surely as a more mature Christian, as a trained minister, I could do better than this?

 I was on a school run the other day, fetching Samuel and Abigail from school. I was feeling particularly down and defeated. As the tears rolled down my face, I knew that I needed to call on my Heavenly Father for help, but I didn’t even know what to say. Eventually all I could manage was “Help me dear Lord!”.

 God then reminded me of Matthew 4:1-11, the account of where Jesus spent 40 days in the desert, being tempted by the devil. The devil tried to get Jesus to question what He knew to be true: 

  • God’s provision and ability to supply His needs (vs 3 & 4),
  • His identity and authority as part of the Trinity (vs 5 & 6),
  • His purpose as He carried out His mission (vs 8 & 9).

 The attack on these truths seem to be one of the enemy’s favourite! One that he has used to great effect since the very beginning of time with Adam and Eve. He takes what God says about us and simply adds a question mark at the end of the sentence. “Did God really say…..?” “Am I free from condemnation?” “Can I do all things through Christ who strengthens me?” “Does God really love me?”

 I thought about how Jesus used scripture as a weapon to cut off every lie that the devil spoke and then replaced it with the truth of God’s Word. As Sharon Jaynes says in her book, “Enough, Silencing the Lies That Steal Your Confidence.”,  we need to take those question marks and yank them straight into an exclamation mark instead!

 8 But what does it say? “The Word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the Word of faith that we proclaim); 9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

Romans 10:8-10 English Standard Version (ESV)

8 Finally, [a]believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

 Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible (AMP)

So, taking the example of Jesus and the encouragement of Paul in the above verses, I went and started a search for the truth of God to replace every lie I have believed. After hunting through my Bible, I have written them all on little cards and stuck them on my cupboard door and around my mirror. Now whenever I get dressed in the morning and prepare to go out, I speak those truths over my life.

To be honest, I am still in the early stages of this challenge and there are many days where I struggle to believe the truths written up there. But I am speaking them nonetheless.

Even though I have days where I feel as if I am ‘faking it’, I trust in God’s promise that the Word of the Lord will not return void.

Some of the lies have been there for decades and there is much work to do in weakening their stronghold on me. But I will continue to speak God’s truth until I am released!

I am determined to “fake it till I make it.”


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